From the "How Much Mooshier Can You Get?" Department

When I looked up the following (from a local Church's "conference" site), I wasn't really surprised to find that it teaches Wesleyan-Arminianism. . .but the rest really knocked me over. Seems like it's the "Hey, we're whatever you want us to be" church...

Here's the text which can be found here. The last sentence is particularly chameleonic...:

"Theologically, how do you stand in relationship to other church groups?

Without getting involved in detailed definitions, we like to think of ourselves as conservative, rooted in Wesleyan-Arminian theological heritage, a part of the Anabaptist free-church tradition, a part of the Holiness Movement that came to mid-America in the nineteenth and first part of the twentieth centuries, and a participant in the Protestant tradition. We value the insights of those who espouse fundamentalist, liberal, neoorthodox, liberation, and process theologies, but we have some serious questions about some of the methods and conclusions of these schools of thought."

What? No mention of the emergent church? Oh yeah, that's wrapped up in everything else I guess.

No need to comment on the silliness of "valuing insights" from liberals and / or the neoorthodox. But for those who don't know: The "Holiness Movement" teaches that you can reach a point of sinless perfection in this life...which contradicts 1 John in multiple verses. "Process theology" is basically an old liberal teaching which teaches that, to paraphrase, "God is just in a process of 'becoming' just like the rest of us and can't quite handle His job" ("God is either unloving or not able to handle the stuff that is "wrong" in our world"). It's utter heresy and the true Christian has nothing to learn from it, save how to run quickly.

On second thought, maybe there is hope...you think maybe since they'll listen to everyone else they might listen to a Calvinist? Nah.

Yowza! Welcome to "Camp Whatamess"!

I'm glad I'm not going there. It'd definitely be time to change churches!